LEADERSHIP & PARENTHOOD: Let them tie their shoelaces.

Training up a child is not for the weak. My parents must have spent a lot of time praying to be able to put up with someone like me.

Part of training a child is teaching them how to learn from their own mistakes. When they're young, you will have to do everything for them. But at some point during this 'young' age, you will have to let them do things on their own and learn from their mistakes.

First, you tie your son's shoelaces for him. Then you teach him to do it for himself. There are times when you might need to intervene once in a while so he gets it. Then you let him do it on his own, whatever the outcome is. It might not be perfect. Expect that it might not be as neat as you want it to be. But that's how he will learn. Experience, as cliche as the saying sounds, is the best teacher. Appreciate the effort and give constructive feedback. Celebrate little victories and correct silently. Better yet, tie your own shoelaces together. What's a better way to teach but to be a good example.

It's the same with leadership. When we give our people tasks, we teach them how to do it, better yet, we show them. Expect they will make mistakes. Just because they did for the first few times, we take the responsibility out of their hands and give it someone more capable. You do not tie your son's shoelace for him forever just because he can't do it the way you do. Moreover, you will not ask your other son to tie it for him forever. Guide your people, give constructive feedback, tell them what's wrong with an objective to make them better and not to make them feel that they are not capable of ever being like you or to just prove you're right.

At the end of the day, a good leader's goal is the same as that of a parent's goal - to develop a person that will hopefully be eventually a better version of us.





Photo Credit: Photo taken and owned by my friend, Clem. With me is Berna (and her friend) a favorite kid from one of our non-profit org's partner communities.


I first posted this entry here.

LEADERS: You Need Leaders.

Leadership is far beyond the prestige of how it sounds. It takes strength of character to be able to lead people. Moreso, be a good one.

Leaders are always perceived to be the strongest of the team, someone with sense of balance, and no prejudice. However, for leaders to be good leaders, they should be a good follower. Therefore, leaders also need leaders.

Imagine a life where there's no one to guide you, tell you what's wrong, celebrate your strengths, ask you the right questions, challenge your reasoning, push you to your limit. It would be a dull kind of leadership. You may be one of the greatest leaders your team has ever worked for, but deep down inside, along with your sense of accomplishment and pride, you will still feel that hunger for guidance like a child wanting a father or a mother to look up to.

Leaders, you take care of your people so well and have put everything you've got on the line. My question is, who takes care of you?

Photo Credit: I own the photo. It's a shot of my work table at home. I originally posted this writing on Bubblews. Here's the link - http://www.bubblews.com/news/2739567-leaders-you-need-leaders

The Plunge I Never Regretted

Photo source here.

take the plunge (idiom) - to decide to do something, esp. after thinking about it for a long time. Reference: Cambridge Dictionaries Online

Ever taken a plunge in your life and eventually take it back?

I did. I took a promotion that has been at my arm's length for years but stepped down after a few months. They weren't easy decisions - both the going up and the stepping down. But I have no regrets.

Any promotion is attractive especially when you know it is going to make your life so much better financially and it is coming from a company which has given you so many opportunities to become a better person. You know very well that you are in good hands. When you are given a rare opportunity to step up while surrounding you with all the faith and support you need,   there is no reason not to take that plunge.

I did. I finally took the promotion everyone is saying I should. I gave it time, experience, a million thoughts, and prayers.

Why did it take me long to grab it? I have reasons; reasons that I have clearly laid down for all my friends, teammates, and even my supervisors to know. They all understood but it didn't stop them from pushing me to try it. I did. I listened. I listened to them and, more importantly, I listened to my heart and my prayers.

I took the plunge and observed myself in the whole process. I made mistakes. I accomplished victories. I was hated. I was loved. I gained friends and lost one or two. I laughed. I cried. It was an interesting ride.

After a few months of all these beautiful crazy things, I stepped down. I don't want to call it "quitting" because it ain't.

When I stepped down, I knew I disappointed some, especially those who have shown so much faith and support in me. I knew I'm gonna lose a good source of income. I knew I was going to receive less. I knew I was going to lose power and title. But I still made the decision.

I got some raised eyebrows from people who think I failed, and from people who think I can't make up my mind, and from people who think I lost the challenge and that I am weak and I can never make it anywhere (am teary-eyed writing this line). I didn't have time to explain and, honestly, I didn't think it was necessary to, not to all. As long as I was understood by the people that matter to me, I became at peace.

I took two plunges - one to step up and one to step down. Both are reasons to celebrate. No, I did not lose nor did I fail. I won because I found my answers. I found out that that promotion isn't really what I want; that I was willing to let go of the financial benefit that go with it, which I badly need now, just to follow what my heart desires.

No one should ever be deprived of that chance to take a plunge and find answers. It's like giving a child choices of whether to learn how to surf, or dance, or play the guitar. Let the child try it and discover for himself. There is nothing wrong if he tries it and eventually find out it's not for him. It isn't a sad story. It is a happy story because he was able to close a door and, maybe, open another. He may come back to that door but now may not be the time. This story doesn't just apply to kids. It applies to all ages.

I will be forever indebted to those who believed and helped me go up the ladder and those who stayed with me when I went down. I will never forget any of it. I hope that this writing will also tell you that you didn't fail and you should not regret what you did for me because it led me to an answer. My What if.. was answered.

Cheers to life's discoveries!

At the End of the Day

Photo source here.

After watching WITH HONORS and A FEW GOOD MEN when I was younger, I instantly became a fan of courtroom drama. I finished all seasons of  The Practice and tries to always watch it again every time I can. SUITS was a tease so I bought its dvd even though I am not sure if I will actually have the time to watch it. 

Let me share with you one scene from SUITS that I found interesting. Before I do that, let me give you a quick look at the characters involved in this conversation. 

*Spoiler Alert*

Jessica Pearson is the Founding and Managing Partner of the law firm called Pearson-Hardman. She has a very strong working relationship with one of his corporate lawyers, Harvey Specter. It eventually led them to also develop a sturdy friendship. She even helped Harvey finish his Law in Harvard. Harvey is a brilliant lawyer who hired Mike Ross, a college dropout. They faked his Harvard degree to get in to the firm because of Mike's excellent memory and intellect. 

The firm panicked over the return of co-founder, Daniel Hardman, who isn't exactly everyone's favorite because of his ugly reputation and history. This has also created rumors that he aims to get the Managing Partner position that will put Jessica's leadership at a vulnerable situation. Harvey and Jessica both agree that Hardman has other plans and that this has put the firm under attack. 

Jessica sought Harvey's help in ensuring to protect the firm from this attack, one of which, is by giving him clear instructions of what to do in one of the cases. Harvey did not follow her instructions. 

This was the heated conversation between the two friends and work partners.

Jessica Pearson: I have been irritated by you, exasperated with you and angry at you but I never thought I'd feel betrayed by you.

Harvey Specter: I put together a good deal. It's a safe deal.

Jessica Pearson: I don't care. You just ensured that a voting partner would never back me. If his mother were dying of cancer and I saved her I still wouldn't get his vote.

Harvey Specter: I know you're angry but I took the restructure deal to real estate that puts them in your pocket.

Jessica Pearson: Real estate has always been in my pocket. It's only you they hated and I'm beginning to understand why.

Harvey Specter: This isn't me against you.

Jessica Pearson: Hardman is back. You are the one person I could trust.

Harvey Specter: Jessica...

Jessica Pearson: I've always known what you are Harvey. I thought that was my greatest asset. Now am wondering if you're not my biggest liability.

Harvey Specter: This isn't about bankruptcy. You're still pissed off about Mike Ross.

Jessica Pearson: Damn right, I am!

Harvey Specter: I offered to walk away.

Jessica Pearson: That offer was bullshit and you know it. You hired that kid to amuse yourself and now am vulnerable. And after everything that has happened, you still couldn't put me ahead of you.

Harvey Specter: The client asked me to save his dream. I did.

Jessica Pearson: You're actually starting to believe your own bullshit.

Harvey Specter: Jessica, common on!

Jessica Pearson: Just go. I will get past this. I will move on and I will accept that at the end of the day, that am alone in this.

SUITS, Season 2

I stopped at this scene to eat its meat. I realized three things: 

1. When you are put in a situation where you have to separate work and personal relationship and you have the higher position, you are always expected to do the right thing. Set aside subjectivity and do your job. At some point, one or two sacrifices had to be made. All you hope for is for personal side not to be affected by the ugly sounding work decisions you had to make.

2. On the other hand, in this same relationship, you are subjecting yourself into possible disappointment if the other person turns against you to also favor what he thinks is a good work action. When this person does this, it can also come across as a betrayal of friendship which puts your objectivity in question.

Before I give you the third, let me share with you the early and the last scenes of this episode. 

Upon Hardman's return, he immediately secured an office of his own. During the construction, Jessica's favorite tea cart was removed from where it was (it appears to me that it will be placed in Hardman's office and is symbolical of who's in lead) and she was a little disappointed. On a different scene, Harvey checks in on Mike who followed an instruction he gave him despite how it will break the latter's heart. Mike said,

"Why is it that I have to do everything that you tell me to and you get to ignore whatever Jessica tells you to do?"

This made Harvey reevaluate what he did to Jessica and that he should lead by example. When the episode ended, Jessica was alone in her office reading, Harvey comes in with the tea cart and says: 

"You are not alone in this." 

Jessica smiled and instructed Harvey to place it where it should be.

3. Wherever life takes good friends, whether it creates a space between your work titles and one has to report to the other, friends are friends. It will surface no matter what. If your friendship is strong and you both understand your roles at work and in your personal relationship, no difference in title will matter. At the end of the day, we all need friends. As hard as it is to keep it while doing our jobs right, it always becomes a decision we have to make in the end. I think this decision that we make, every end of the day, reflects how we handle both our work and personal lives and clearly defines who we are. Harvey's action in the closing scene was not just very gentleman of him but also a humble declaration of his submission to his boss by deciding to put her ahead of him this time; it was also peace offering and a reassurance to his very good friend. Now, that's something! 

PS 

My hunch is, in a future episode, Harvey's decision not to follow Jessica's instructions will put one of them, if not all of them, inside a frying pan. Whether my hunch is right or wrong, I can't wait to find out!

A Letter To and From Our Mr. Josh Bender

Photo source here

My Dearest Kids,

It's time. Thank you so much for sticking it out with me in the past few months. Many things transpired, come and gone, went up then down; but one thing remained constant - the friendship. I have relegated myself to forget the past 8 years, save the last 9 months I've been with you guys. Nothing else matters. 

As I move on to unknown waters, uncertainty awaits. But I guess as with the risks I take whenever I put my foot on my bike's pedals, such is the way of my life right now. There's a lot at stake but it's the way life runs and I'll have to bite it. 

You'll find me in some hole or what, but I'll be alive doing whatever life will dish out for me.

For all my shortcomings, I hope you'd forgive me. 

For all the craziness I hope you'd remember me.

For all the love you've given me, I shall never forget.

Thank you so much.

Love,

________________

Our Josh Bender,

It wasn't an easy ride when you came into our lives. I am sure it wasn't for you either. We probably made it really hard for you in ways that people will not understand. It may be hard to make yourself into the team but you surely made it really fast to our hearts.  

As you leave, our hearts will break but we gotta do what we have to do, right? Especially if it's the right thing to do. We don't know if we made the right decisions but we have control over our future, right? Like I always tell you, we have to make this right. We have to prove that your decision to leave and my decision to stay are indeed right. If we both fail in the future, it will be more heartbreaking. So do your best in whatever future you have, I will do my best too for my future. 

I will wait for that day where we will all see each other again with great stories to share and happy faces to see. We want you back on your bike and take as many roads as you possibly can. We want you to spend more time with people that matter to you the most. We want to see you get your mojo back.

For all your shortcomings, you are forgiven. Forgive ours too.

For all your craziness, you will be remembered. We hope you got a dose of ours too.

For all the love we have given each other in the team with you in it, no one will ever forget. 

Let's all face the future with strength of character and never sell it. 

Until we meet again. You will always be in our prayers.

YOUR FRIENDS

Strength and Calm

About more than a month ago, a friend and I passed by a bookstore that sells hand-me-downs. I found this book very interesting. 

It satisfied my curiosity about what really took place during the 9/11 tragedy. With my fascination over investigative shows and stories, this was a treat. 

As I was reading the full account of this unimaginable tragedy, I came across this scene that I found worth sharing. Here's a condensed excerpt... 

When American 11 struck the World Trade Center at 8:46, no one in the White House or traveling with President Bush knew that it had been hijacked. Most Federal agencies learned about the crash in New York from CNN.

In Sarasota, Florida, the presidential motorcade was arriving at Emma E. Booker Elementary School, where President Bush was to read to a class and talk about education (my comment: this reminded me of a scene in 24).

White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card told us he was standing with the President outside the classroom when Senior Advisor to the President Karl Rove first informed them that a small , twin-engine plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. The President's reaction was that incident must have been caused by a pilot error.

At 8:55, before entering the classroom, the President spoke to National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, who was at the White House. She recalled first telling the President it was a twin-engine aircraft - that had struck the World Trade Center, adding "that's all we know right now, Mr. President."

 The President was seated in a classroom when, at 9:05, Andrew Card whispered to him: “A second plane hit the second tower, America is under attack.” The President told us his instinct was to project calm, not to have the country see an excited reaction at the moment of crisis. The press was standing behind the children; he saw their phones and pagers start to ring. The President felt he should project strength and calm until he could better understand what was happening.

While reading this part of the story, I imagined myself in the shoes of the President. This is an utterly difficult situation. You are caught in a dilemma. The country that you lead is under attack but you don't know the details yet. One decision could ruin your leadership and, more importantly, your people. In reality, you are dead worried but you cannot project that because you know your worry will worry the people that you lead, not to mention you are in the presence of children who are away from their parents. Everyone is waiting for your decisions, your actions and your reasons. Some people would like to see you worried too and others pull their strength from you. You cannot be drawn to other people's emotions but you have to think on your own. You cannot be taken away by your own fears and defenses. You have to be objective even at the time of crisis. You have to be strong and it is your only choice.

These observations led me to thinking that while everyone can lead, maybe, just maybe, not everyone can be leaders. Not everyone has the tenacity to balance two opposite emotions in equal measure and project like there's no war inside the heart.

Strength and Calm.

Not that Good.

“You are good…BUT not that good. That’s why you need a team.”

Ptr. Joey Bonifacio of Victory Church – Fort Bonifacio

A title of a book on Leadership by Gofee and Jones
and I have not read this book. Ha!

This line got stuck in my head in a really good way. Every time I accomplish something good at work I always tell myself these exact words. It is my way of giving myself a pat on the back and keeping my feet on the ground. I hope I have never shown anything that would suggest otherwise.

I did not graduate from any Black Belt Leadership Trainings so I may not be the most reliable person to talk about being a leader. The only credibility you could rely on in me is my age and experience. I have spent enough time to be both a leader and a follower in many different ways. I have experienced different leaderships and I have risen and fallen as a leader too. I have met so many bosses - some I directly report to and some I only get to observe from afar. I have learned a lot of so many good things from each of them and I always take virtual notes. However, I have also seen some challenges. I have seen one who always breaks a promise, one who does not spend enough time to attend to the needs of his people, one who shouts faults yet whispers praises, one whose first project after promotion was to find his own office no matter what it takes, one who only remembers people when needed but seems to limit own vision in celebrations, one whose emotions you need to babysit all the time BUT the worst kind? - the one who never looks back far enough to see every single people who made and continue to make every single success possible; the one who never looks up or down.

Yes, "... you are not that good that's why you need a team".

The "Team" is not just composed of the people you share coffee with during breaks, the ones you exchange emails with or the big wigs. If you widen your horizon, you'll be surprised with how big your "Team" really is. Your "Team" is composed of different "Teams" - from the team of the man who inspects your bag before entering the office door to ensure security of your workplace, the lady who replaces the tissue papers in the rest rooms, the man whose expertise in IT helps you solve technical issues, the quiet man in charge of quality control who dives deeper into the real score than you can, the lady who trains your people from the first to the last word they need to say, to the man who can't join your team late night outs because of his family but has delivered numbers the best he can, down to the team of that girl who graduated with a field of expertise that is way different from what she is doing for you now but gives her best to give the numbers you want. Your "Team" are not numbers. They are not statistics.

Yes, ... that's why you need a "Team" because you can't do it on your own.  

We all can't do it on our own. I wish all leaders live by this principle.

I thank God for my team and all the other teams I have worked with. Just like what Oprah said, "I am only as good as the people I work with."