Hibernation Station

Photo source here.

I made plans before the weekend - spend movie night with friends, swing by a store to buy a book, and savor a favorite Filipino pizza for Sunday. None of it happened.

Instead, I drowned myself with good movies over a cup of caramel chocolate and food, no bath for two days (all of us should do this at least once in our lives), a journey down the lane with the Beatles collection, a delight from other equally brilliant yet not-so-famous musical geniuses, a second trip to a book I've gone through in the past, and a taste of poetry.

My brother and I decided to clean up the files in my computer to give way to new ones. As I was reviewing each, I found hidden treasures of movies, songs, audio books, ebooks and poems that I have not paid attention in a long time.

First one I delved deep into was the Beatles collection. I like listening to the Beatles. Aside from their brilliance, it reminds me of my childhood days. It reminds me of that time when my father listens to it to remind him of his younger years. Music is timeless. It was nice to go back old school, sing and dance and shake-yer-head the Beatles way, when no one is looking.

Another gem I found was my collection of Manchester Orchestra songs. In this collection, I found Andy Hull's (lead vox) side solo project Right Away, Great Captain. RAGC is a concept album in trilogy. It talks about the experiences and emotional journey of a sailor in the old times whose wife cheated on him with his brother. The songs are extremely painful and are deep in a sense that it allows you to see its darkness. I do not glorify the negative feelings of the character but I like its honesty and rawness which gives me a good grasp of people going through the same. Other than the dark side, it gives you a glimpse of hope and the inherent goodness in people, thus gives you the war within human.

Aside from music, I also got to see about three movies, one of which instantly made it to the top of my favorite movies - INTO THE WILD by Sean Penn. The movie was based on the real life account of Christopher McCandless a.k.a. Alexander Supertramp who hiked the Alaskan mountains after graduating from college,leaving his family with no trace and donating his $24,000 savings in order to find himself into the wild. The movie is a self-discovery journey at its utmost resignation from the materials things of the world and a giant leap of faith. It was about something I wish I could do but will probably never find the reason and the courage to do so. It wasn't a perfect journey as it also covered human errors and failures. You could feel the pain in some parts of it and joy in most. The scenes brought me freedom, nature, beauty, art, humanity reason, faith, relationships (and the joys and pains of the lack of it) and God's presence everywhere.

*SPOILER ALERT

The movie blends reasons with a balance. It gave us the realization of two facts -

Happiness is only real when shared. 

One thing Chris realized after living on his own for a long time and limiting his interaction with the people that he meets along the way especially when he feels the connection is getting stronger. He believes that people do not need human relationships to be happy because God is all around us. He wrote the above line before he died.

What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?

This was the last line of the movie which balances all. It validates how the journey gave him what others might not have and what he may never have had he not stayed. The scene closes with a great view of the sky and a note: 

I HAVE HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND THANK THE LORD. GOODBYE AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL. 

It is a LIBERATING story for me. 

What made it more beautiful was the soundtrack featuring the works of a master, Eddie Vedder. Guaranteed, a beautifully written song sends chills up my spine. It is one song I want to hear while traveling. 
 
After seeing this movie twice, it inspired me to search and learn again. It was this eagerness and inspiration that brought my eyes upon a book I have already read twice in the past. I read TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE for the third time and it still felt like it was the first. I still shed a tear on two particular scenes in the story.

The story was written by Mitch Albom about his Tuesdays with a former professor dying of ALS. Both were working on their last thesis together learning how to live life by learning how to accept that we will all die eventually therefore we should do things differently. They talked about the world, about feeling sorry for oneself, regrets, death, family, emotions, the fear of aging, money, love, marriage, culture, forgiveness, perfect days, and goodbyes.

I can talk more about those two days but I'm sleepy now and have not had a good rest in the last two days so I'll stop. But I won't let this end without saying that it was one of the best weekends of my life and we all need a hibernation station once in a while.

Now Playing: Guaranteed

GUARANTEED

Eddie Vedder

OST - Into the Wild

On bended knee is no way to be free
Lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently
All my destinations will accept the one that's me
So I can breathe...

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
Half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
A mind full of questions, and a teacher in my soul
And so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought
They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought
I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead
Overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me
Guaranteed 

On Richard Parker

Photo source here.

More than a week ago,my friends and I went to see The Life of Pi. Although I am not in total agreement with the final message of the movie (at least how I interpreted it), I can say bravely say that it was brilliantly made and definitely not a waste of money.

This is not a film review so please do not take it as such. I found all the scenes in the movie very endearing especially those where a human shares the screen with an animal. Richard Parker is such a sweetheart to me. He reminded me of my own little tiger at home - Champ. 

Among all the scenes, there was one I can't forget. It hit home. Here it is-

*SPOILER ALERT*

Pi was the only one in his family who survived a sea disaster. As he was trying to figure out how to stay alive in a lifeboat he managed to keep despite the strong current, he finds a zebra, a hyena, a monkey and a Bengal tiger. The first three didn't make it. The Bengal did.

It took time for him and the tiger to get used to and to even be near each other. I actually think that it is one of the best parts of the movie - how Pi managed to stay alive while keeping Richard Parker (watch the movie to know the story behind the name) alive too. He was able to find ways on how to feed Richard Parker and himself. His survival instincts, prayers and hope (the last was repeatedly mentioned in the movie not to be given up) kept them alive.

What struck me was these words from the movie -

I never thought a small piece of shade could bring me so much happiness; that a pile of tools, a bucket, a knife, a pencil, might become my greatest treasures; or that knowing Richard Parker was even what might ever bring me peace.

Without Richard Parker I would've died by now. My fear of him keeps me alert, tending to his needs gives my life purpose.

We all go frenzy over finding our purpose in life. We think that having lots of money will give us more chances to help others, or maybe build a foundation or a charitable institution. Some of us wish we are more popular and think that it will give us a better chance at finding our purpose. Some of us wish to look better because we think that being accepted by everyone is what will give us purpose.

We want so many things and so many people in our lives and forget to pay attention on the things and the people we already have. Our purpose starts at our own circle - our family at home and at work. Imagine a pastor, or a priest, or a church leader, who is hated by his own family. Who would ever believe what he says? Imagine a teacher whose own child cannot go to school. Where's the real value of education?

Our first ministry should be our own. If we are able to fulfill God's purpose in our lives in our own circles, I can guarantee that it takes almost no effort to make it outside that circle. We should make the most of what we have and the things that God graciously gives us and be ready for, maybe, something bigger in time.

Who can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.
Luke 16: 10a

So where is your piece of shade? What's your pile of tools? your knife? your bucket? and your pencil? Who are your Richard Parkers? Who and what give purpose to your life? I tell you, don't look too far for answers.

Ultimately, we should never falter in the basic truth - our purpose should be after God's.

The Right Question

Photo source here.

The Right Question

Eavesdropping in the Film American History X (1998)

Dr. Bob Sweeney: I need to know the truth about how you feel.

Derek Vinyard: ..I don't know. I don't know what I feel... I all... I feel a little inside out. I... I don't know. There's some things that ... that don't fit.

Dr. Bob Sweeney: Well, that happens... but Derek, you are too damn smart to be floating around here pretending you don't see all these holes in this bulls**t! 

Derek Vinyard: Listen, you see I said I was confused. I didn't say I didn't believe in it.

Dr. Bob Sweeney: .. Right now your anger is consuming you.You anguish is shutting down the brain God gave you.

Derek Vinyard: You know man, you've been talking about what's going on with me since I was in high school. How the f***  do you know so much about what's going on inside me?

Dr. Bob Sweeney: No. I know about me. I know about this place. I know about the place you are in.

Derek Vinyard: What do you know about the place am in?

Dr. Bob Sweeney: There was a moment, when I used to blame everything and everyone for all the pain and suffering and vile things that happened to me; that I saw happen to my people. Used to blame everybody. Blamed white people, blamed society, blamed God. I didn't get no answers coz I was asking the wrong questions. You have to ask the right questions.

Derek Vinyard: Like what?

Dr. Bob Sweeney: Has anything you've done made your life better?

(Derek shakes his head and asks for help.)

It Goes Down Easy

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On December 19th of 2011, I wrote an entry entitled CROSSROAD. (See this link)

It was a time in my life I found my place in a crossroad and a dilemma where I had two equally unacceptable alternatives.  Unacceptable because either choice gives me the complete answer I was looking for. I went on a travel to clear my head, pray and search for a definite answer. I did not find it. A very good friend of mine told me how the entry brought him sadness because it started with a lot of searching but ended with no answer. Sad indeed. However, sadness isn't the only thing the whole experience brought me. Here's an excerpt of the entry:

 

I realized that the answer will not magically come to me thru a burning bush, or a lightning, or a talking fish under the sea, or a star formation or an angel. God can reveal Himself through the simplest most unexpected ways.

The answer? There was no answer. Not today.

God wants me to be still and know that He is God. He wants me to hold on, wait and keep my faith in Him. He wants to tell me that the answer will not come when I want it to come. It will come in His time. He does not want me to get the answer that time when I was desperately looking for it but He wants me to savor the moments of the travel and be happy about the experience. I looked back. Oh boy! I was overjoyed, overwhelmed and still star struck by the experience. I am just so glad that even though I was consumed by my quest to find an answer to my question, I still found joy in every moment of it.

I was busy finding the answer that I forgot my faith should be in Him and not on my faith... It’s funny how we sometimes rely too much on our own wisdom and ways and pretend to ourselves that we are trying to search for God’s will. When we rely too much on our own, we lose our chance to witness more of His miracles, His mysterious ways and surprises.

I am still on a crossroad. I still don’t know where to go and which to choose but I rest in the fact that my Father is in control and that soon enough I will know where to go. I know everything’s gonna be alright! EVERYTHING.

The good news is - I got the answer after more than a year ago; at a time when I did not expect it to arrive. This experience taught me a handful of things. They are as follows:

1.  God will honor the level of our faith. There is no standard weight of faith. Even my chicken faith was
     honored. Even the Bible says that a faith like a grain of mustard seed can move mountains. (Matt. 17:20)
     If we come to Him with our level of faith, He will meet us.

2.  He knows. We don't. Nobody does. We may think we know what's best for us. We may also think our
     closest people know what's best for us. We're wrong. We have such limited vision of our circumstances
     and what's coming. His thoughts are higher than ours and His ways higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55:9)
     We may ask around and get advice but ultimately we should leave everything to His will. If His plan is to
     prosper us and to give us hope and a future and not to harm us, who else can we go to? (Jer. 29:11)

3. God's timing is perfect timing. If I got what I had asked for at the time that I asked for it over a year  
    ago, I don't think everything will go this smooth. As I was waiting and praying, God was molding my faith
    in Him while supplying me with everything I need including peace and assurance that He will answer it. I
    could not imagine receiving this answer at some other time. Now is the perfect timing and am glad He
    gave me the patience to wait for it.

4. When God blesses, He adds no sorrow. How do you know what you got is from Him? He adds no
    sorrow. He orchestrates everything in unison. He lets you enjoy it without guilt, no hurting others and no
    hiding. It is given to you for you to enjoy it.(Prov. 10:22)

5. Love the Lord and everything will work together for good. God can move things around, touch people,
    and amazingly turn things around to your favor if you cast all your cares in Him. For everything works
    together for good for those who love the Lord. (Rom. 8:28)

It took over a year to get my answer. But when it was ready to happen, according to His will, it happened so fast right before my eyes like a movie. It feels both good and right.

And as one liquor commercial says, which I will turn around and use to my advantage and for the good, "If it feels right, it goes down easy." 


PS - The answer came to me on the week of our Church's 2013 Prayer and Fasting. Coincidence? Nah!

At the End of the Day

Photo source here.

After watching WITH HONORS and A FEW GOOD MEN when I was younger, I instantly became a fan of courtroom drama. I finished all seasons of  The Practice and tries to always watch it again every time I can. SUITS was a tease so I bought its dvd even though I am not sure if I will actually have the time to watch it. 

Let me share with you one scene from SUITS that I found interesting. Before I do that, let me give you a quick look at the characters involved in this conversation. 

*Spoiler Alert*

Jessica Pearson is the Founding and Managing Partner of the law firm called Pearson-Hardman. She has a very strong working relationship with one of his corporate lawyers, Harvey Specter. It eventually led them to also develop a sturdy friendship. She even helped Harvey finish his Law in Harvard. Harvey is a brilliant lawyer who hired Mike Ross, a college dropout. They faked his Harvard degree to get in to the firm because of Mike's excellent memory and intellect. 

The firm panicked over the return of co-founder, Daniel Hardman, who isn't exactly everyone's favorite because of his ugly reputation and history. This has also created rumors that he aims to get the Managing Partner position that will put Jessica's leadership at a vulnerable situation. Harvey and Jessica both agree that Hardman has other plans and that this has put the firm under attack. 

Jessica sought Harvey's help in ensuring to protect the firm from this attack, one of which, is by giving him clear instructions of what to do in one of the cases. Harvey did not follow her instructions. 

This was the heated conversation between the two friends and work partners.

Jessica Pearson: I have been irritated by you, exasperated with you and angry at you but I never thought I'd feel betrayed by you.

Harvey Specter: I put together a good deal. It's a safe deal.

Jessica Pearson: I don't care. You just ensured that a voting partner would never back me. If his mother were dying of cancer and I saved her I still wouldn't get his vote.

Harvey Specter: I know you're angry but I took the restructure deal to real estate that puts them in your pocket.

Jessica Pearson: Real estate has always been in my pocket. It's only you they hated and I'm beginning to understand why.

Harvey Specter: This isn't me against you.

Jessica Pearson: Hardman is back. You are the one person I could trust.

Harvey Specter: Jessica...

Jessica Pearson: I've always known what you are Harvey. I thought that was my greatest asset. Now am wondering if you're not my biggest liability.

Harvey Specter: This isn't about bankruptcy. You're still pissed off about Mike Ross.

Jessica Pearson: Damn right, I am!

Harvey Specter: I offered to walk away.

Jessica Pearson: That offer was bullshit and you know it. You hired that kid to amuse yourself and now am vulnerable. And after everything that has happened, you still couldn't put me ahead of you.

Harvey Specter: The client asked me to save his dream. I did.

Jessica Pearson: You're actually starting to believe your own bullshit.

Harvey Specter: Jessica, common on!

Jessica Pearson: Just go. I will get past this. I will move on and I will accept that at the end of the day, that am alone in this.

SUITS, Season 2

I stopped at this scene to eat its meat. I realized three things: 

1. When you are put in a situation where you have to separate work and personal relationship and you have the higher position, you are always expected to do the right thing. Set aside subjectivity and do your job. At some point, one or two sacrifices had to be made. All you hope for is for personal side not to be affected by the ugly sounding work decisions you had to make.

2. On the other hand, in this same relationship, you are subjecting yourself into possible disappointment if the other person turns against you to also favor what he thinks is a good work action. When this person does this, it can also come across as a betrayal of friendship which puts your objectivity in question.

Before I give you the third, let me share with you the early and the last scenes of this episode. 

Upon Hardman's return, he immediately secured an office of his own. During the construction, Jessica's favorite tea cart was removed from where it was (it appears to me that it will be placed in Hardman's office and is symbolical of who's in lead) and she was a little disappointed. On a different scene, Harvey checks in on Mike who followed an instruction he gave him despite how it will break the latter's heart. Mike said,

"Why is it that I have to do everything that you tell me to and you get to ignore whatever Jessica tells you to do?"

This made Harvey reevaluate what he did to Jessica and that he should lead by example. When the episode ended, Jessica was alone in her office reading, Harvey comes in with the tea cart and says: 

"You are not alone in this." 

Jessica smiled and instructed Harvey to place it where it should be.

3. Wherever life takes good friends, whether it creates a space between your work titles and one has to report to the other, friends are friends. It will surface no matter what. If your friendship is strong and you both understand your roles at work and in your personal relationship, no difference in title will matter. At the end of the day, we all need friends. As hard as it is to keep it while doing our jobs right, it always becomes a decision we have to make in the end. I think this decision that we make, every end of the day, reflects how we handle both our work and personal lives and clearly defines who we are. Harvey's action in the closing scene was not just very gentleman of him but also a humble declaration of his submission to his boss by deciding to put her ahead of him this time; it was also peace offering and a reassurance to his very good friend. Now, that's something! 

PS 

My hunch is, in a future episode, Harvey's decision not to follow Jessica's instructions will put one of them, if not all of them, inside a frying pan. Whether my hunch is right or wrong, I can't wait to find out!