Selfish Luck

August 30, 2010

I have seen the photos many many times but it was only now that it struck me.

Photo by Clem Jimenez.

I can clearly remember this man carrying a big black bag. He is so thin, dirty and can hardly even walk. His right foot can no longer carry his weight but he seems to be going somewhere. We were in a market and due to traffic flow none of us could go down to hand things over to him. We passed by him but we couldn't take going ahead not giving him anything. It was very obvious he's exhausted. We are running out of male clothes. "Oh no, please we gotta give him something. Look for food", - my loud thoughts say; then we found a bag full of last minute donation by one of the coaches. We called this man and as he approached the van, this was what we saw. The sun is at its peak and he's all sweat but he was trying really hard to show a smile to thank us.

At the comforts of my home, I was planning how the video would be when I stared at this photo. I noticed his nose hair. I zooomed it because I couldn't believe my eyes. He can't even cut the hair from his nose. I just bursted into tears and it melted my heart and told myself I should have done more. It wasn't enough. I complain about little things every now and then. I look for better places, for more of a lot of things and it was so selfish of me to even feel lucky seeing another's suffering.

The actual Tenfold experience has given us so much to learn but I didn't know it would give more even after it's done. Photos are powerful.

A Letter to my Brother,Dennis

I was looking for that cute photo of the two of us
 but I couldn't find it. This one is cute too :)

Dear Dennis,

You'll be getting married tomorrow and I know you've prepared, waited and prayed for this for a long time. Some relatives would probably be asking why you are getting ahead of me. Don't mind them because it's going to be your day. I wouldn't want any other day for you to be united with Kristine but now.

I remember taking care of you when you were little. I just turned 6 when you arrived. I thought the sound of 'ate' will be exciting. There would be times when I had to stop playing so I could look after you. Well, to be honest, I wasn't that willing all the time (ha!) which is very typical of a kid that age. There was a point when we thought we would lose you. You had a really bad fall from a tree and you turned purple, unconscious and almost lifeless. I could clearly remember how I was trying to recall first aid treatments I learned from grade school because I did'nt want to lose you. I was trying to be really strong then at the age of around 10.

When you started running we would usually jog around the then- so- classic Mandaluyong Circle. We would watch the fishes in the pond and play in the park. Lolo and tatay would take turns every morning.

We used to go New Hope Christian Church in Padre Faura and were so involved in the Kids' Ministry. Do you remember the time I pushed you to join the Bible Verse Speaking Contest? We would rehearse Psalms 23 all day. This is why I could recite that chapter in a heartbeat. You won. I was so proud of you. You had very clear pronunciation, sparkling white teeth and a great confidence taller than you.

When you were in high school, I was finishing college. There was even a time when I was a Student Teacher in the school where you were at and I would call you "'tol" and your friends would laugh at us. Am sure you already forgot (love yah Tine) the time you told me you just got your very first girlfriend.

I also remember learning the guitar with you when we were young. We used a torn chord chart from a song mag. You have come a long, long way from then; while I was left with Em-G-D-C-A. You hold a guitar now like it's an extension of your body. I am always in awe watching you play.

Days passed by and we grew farther and farther from each other - mostly my fault. I have lived a life away from you, our family and God. I hope you forgive me. I thank you because you didn't give up praying for me. I was surprised when you told me you prayed for God to touch my heart again in Nicaragua in some weird way. You know it's gonna take something unique to get my attention - a camera. He answered your prayer.

More than anything else, I want you to know you are a great brother and a great son too. We've been through fire and high waters literally and figuratively. With God's grace we've surpassed two fire incidents (10 years apart), countless floods, financial and family problems and we came out strong and God-fearing. This is the same quality that will make every family successful - fear of God. Everything falls into place after. You will be a good husband to Kristine and a good father to your future children. Keep Him at the center always.

I will not cry tomorrow anymore because I already did the moment I started writing the first word of this letter...

Ok, maybe I will a little. Haha! I am just so happy for you.

I love you both. God bless your special day.

Love,

Ate

The Project Tenfold X-perience

August 22, 2010 "Project Tenfold - The Second Rush" unfolded. All the concepts and intensive planning were realized.



Photo by Clem Jimenez.

The day started with a challenge - how to fit 9 people and less than 200 bags of goodies and donations in an Adventure. We have tried all possible ways; we've brought the goodies in and out just to find the perfect fit; some of us even thought that maybe one of us should just give up and go home; but silently I know we were all wishing we fit because we all want to go and  we did. Then, what could be a better way to start this but with a prayer.

The first ones who received the bags were two kids in the middle of the street begging for a few coins. The older one seemed surprised seeing a hand coming out of a car giving him a red bag with clothes, food and toys. He thanked us repeatedly and couldn't keep his eyes off us which we could see clearly from inside the car. He didn't expect it; well, if you have lived most of your life surviving on the street it probably happens once every forever.

The second time we stopped, we were surprised by a group of around 15 men and women asking for some for themselves. They seemed to have come from nowhere. This is the exact reason why we are strictly following the 'buddy system' rule - no one is allowed to go out of the car alone. Contrary to popular belief, these people are capable of negotiation. True enough, it went smoothly and we went away safe and they were happy with what they got.

Some do not like this concept - going around the city and giving away food and clothes. Some think we teach people to be lazy, some think it's not safe, and some just don't care. Giving away gifts to the homeless will never solve poverty, probably not even lessen it, but if it could give them a little comfort and not worry about at least one meal that day then we achieved our goal.  Tenfold does not have to be a group project. You can always grab that shirt you don't use and give it to that homeless you see every day on your way to work.

We planned this activity to end by 3PM as some of us need to go somewhere and the day was almost over; so by 4PM, we decided to drop off the remaining 40 bags to Hospicio De San Jose.

It was a tiring yet very fulfilling day. We went out thinking we will help people and animals and give them what they need but it turned out to be the other way around. We went home carrying what we need - humility, a grateful heart, a caring hand and a piece of God in every human and animal we met. They gave us more than what we have given them.

Watch the video to be more blessed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBoRi2fNo1U

Like us in Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/projecttenfoldcircle

Email us to learn more ways to help:

projecttenfoldcircle@yahoo.com

One At a Time

I met this great friend of mine from half the world who brought me back me to church, toured me around his country and taught me Photography (not necessarily in order). One time we decided to write each other how God has been good to us each day for 365 days.

This is the 21st entry to Project 365 written 31st of May 2010.

One At a Time

This is the final week before my Dance Recital so imagine how cold my feet are. I have not been feeling well since last week and with all the new projects happening at work; it seems so easy to just give up and make life easier. As days go by, the steps become more and more difficult and the beat gets faster and faster; not to mention three dance scholars being added to our team who could make us look like we don’t know what we are doing! Ha! … But should I lose grip?

Filipinos have this bad habit called “Ningas Cugon”. It refers to the mentality of starting something with so much enthusiasm and eventually not being able to finish it. We could have a bad habit such as this even in our Christian life. We become eager to do things for God – pray, disciple, read the Bible, go to church, talk about Him, share His blessings – but sometimes our enthusiasm goes down when certain things arise. We lose grip when we should actually hold on even tighter. It is a chance to tighten our grip.

The next time your feet get cold about anything, try taking things one at a time and find out eventually that you made it to the finish line. "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2)

Looking ahead to my Dance Recital may be too much to bear for now; so I will go through it one day at a time. I will join the sessions, then the technical dress rehearsal, then the Final Recital – maybe I could make it this way - One at a time.

Ain't it Cool?

I met this great friend of mine from half the world who brought me back me to church, toured me around his country and taught me Photography (not necessarily in order). One time we decided to write each other how God has been good to us each day for 365 days.

The 20th entry to Project 365 written 31st May 2010.

Ain't it Cool?!

Sunday again! I made sure I went to church early I don't want to be late... Ok, i'll admit I like hanging around observing people, taking pictures, and I hate rushing.

Different people, from all walks of life. A teenager who you would mistake for Eminem with the way he carries himself. A girl who could pass as the fourth addition to the "Mean Girls". A famous local actor. An old lady. A new dad. A young boy whose looks obviously does not match those of his well-dressed friends. An old man in a wheelchair. A pregnant lady holding her husband's hand tight. A family.A nurse who looks like she just came from a long shift. A long-haired guy with torn jeans playing his guitar on the corner. Kids running around.

So what am I doing? Do I go to church to criticize or check out people? No I don't. My descriptions above were dictated by movies and the culture around us and I am sure you would agree with me that you get a better picture with those; but what I am really after was the amazing diversity of God's people and how awesome it is that when all these diffrent people get inside the church with me as the service starts, we suddenly become one. We raise our hands in praise, we close our eyes as we sing, we cry sometimes in awe of our One and Only God. We all thirst for His word. We are brought upon by the Holy Spirit from different directions into one place.

Contrary to popular belief, it is cool to love God. It should not be a life that looks like a burden. It should be an interesting life where you actually enjoy every minute. He doesn't choose us based on our looks, our status in life, the friends we have, nor our abilities. We don't ever measure up to His. He is loving and the joy His love brings is overwhelming.

Ten minutes before the service started I joined the crowd in getting in and I did with a smile on my face and an even bigger one in my heart - "Oh God, I was so proud to be one of them!" (thought bubbles)

"... you believe in Him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:8b-9)

Ain't it cool ?!

Fired Up Like A First-timer!

I met this great friend of mine from half the world who brought me back me to church, toured me around his country and taught me Photography (not necessarily in order). One time we decided to write each other how God has been good to us each day for 365 days. This was my 9th entry to Project 365 written 19th of May 2010.

Fired Up Like A First-timer!

Remember that feeling of first day of school? We try hard to keep those clean sheets of papers and notebooks. We keep our unifoms free from dirt. We are careful in flipping the pages of those new books. We don't want to be absent because we don't want to miss a thing. We take notes of almost everything.

Remember that first time you learned to take pictures? You were eager to know everything there is to know. You get frustrated not being able to do certain stuff. You want to take pictures of almost everything. You imagine things. You create a setting in your mind. "If I only have this, if I only have that, would have this and that!"

Remember the chasing stage of two people who like each other? You want to spend almost every minute of your life with the other person; you never get tired or no matter how tiring the day turned out, seeing the one you love brightens up everything. Just a touch of the hand gives you butterflies in your stomach.; the mere presence keeps all worries and fears away in an almost magical way. Also, sometimes you wonder why you hurt for no reason and you can't even imagine the thought of being away from each other.

A person who has wholeheartedly accepted the Lord for the first time can feel exactly the same. It's amazing! You are fired up! You get so hungry of His word. You want to do this and that for Him. You prioritize God and His work. You make Him the end all and be all of your life. You get excited going to church. You reflect on what He has done for you and be grateful. You love Him so much that it hurts when you feel you are an inch away from Him. You find a way to do what He wants you to. You dig His word not out of sense of duty but out of the abundace of your love for Him. You obey Him not because you have to but because you can.

When was the last time you fired up for Him like a first-timer?

"But I have this against you. That you have abandoned the love you had at first." (Revelation 2:4)

It's Daddy's Little Girl's Turn

I met this great friend of mine from half the world who brought me back me to church, toured me around his country and taught me Photography (not necessarily in order). One time we decided to write each other how God has been good to us each day for 365 days. Here's one of my entries dated May 16, 2010 (6th entry).

Image not mine.

It's Daddy's Little Girl's Turn

Today is my father's birthday - the real one. It's funny he has two. His birth certificate says December 2 but he didn't change it anymore due to all the hassles he needs to go through if he does. As I always do, to make greetings more special, I waited for 12AM to greet him. I sent him a text message and he replied to me in Spanish "Mucho Gracias mi Unica Hija". I smiled. My father knows am catching up with his Spanish.

I am blessed to have a father like mine - someone who is nothing but a great example to us. He lead us to God's path and introduced us to His ways. Now, no matter where we go or have gone, we will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) 

I have been a very good daughter except for some eight long years of my life. I made him suffer. There were some Christmases and New Years and special occasions that I don't drop by the house; not because I forgot but because I can't stand looking at his eyes and knowing the kind of life that I am living. Guilt was my greatest weakness.  I isolated myself from my own family and I hurt the most precious man in my life. The man who took me out every morning for jogging, the man who told me stories before bed, the man who taught me how to pray, the man who hugged me when I was trembling due to high fever, the man who danced when I was sad, the man who cries when he scolds me and the man who can't wait to tailor my wedding dress for me.

Every chance he could get, he'd grab me and beg me to give him a chance to pray for me. I would act like a stone and just let him pray then I would cry on my way home. I was helpless; at least that's how I felt. He never gave up. I knew he prayed and prayed and prayed. He didn't shout his anger at me. He knew there's no other way but pray for me. 

One time I went to see visit them after what seemed like forever and I saw how old they have turned - wrinkled face, dark skin, they seemed shorter, and a lot of gray hair (very far from how I remembered they look the last time I saw them) - and I said to myself "What am I doing to them?" Still, I was hard as a stone and thought I can wash away all these guilt feelings by just crying. Now I look back, I wonder why it took me so long. I could have ended his misery earlier.

It is true, the prayer of the righteous man is effective. (James 5:16) It took him years and maybe anyone could have given up. He didn't. Now I met the Lord again and He changed my heart. He removed the guilt in my heart and taught me how to forgive myself. It is a long process to make things right but at least I see clear now.

William Law said "There is nothing that makes us love a man so much as praying for him."  My father has shown his utmost love for his only daughter by not giving up in praying for her. Now it's time for his daughter to show hers.