This is the 22nd entry to Project 365 written 2nd of June 2010.
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| Photo with Jem and Jhunnie at the man-made forest in Bohol. |
It’s funny how we sometimes get tongue-tied in front of others. It could be any reason – we are too embarrassed, or intimidated, or just plain shy.
I remember how Jem, a co-trainer, got tongue-tied for quite a while. One day, when he was still with another department before being part of my team as a Trainer, he borrowed a pair of scissors from me. He promised that he will return it right after he uses it. Days passed and he hasn’t. Weeks passed too and he still hasn’t.Am not counting the days, I will never do that. I have three extra pairs in my toolbox.
How do I get to track the number of days? I was counting the days that I see him or bump into him outside or inside the office and witness how he moves his eyes away from me, or cut our short conversations even shorter or how he moves to a different direction from mine. Why? Only because he remembers that he has not returned the pair of scissors he borrowed from me.
I appreciate him having felt responsible for his actions but things would have been easier, for him especially, if he had just come up to me and apologized. It would have saved him a lot of the effort of staying away. I wanted to confront him many times to give him peace of mind but I never had a chance to. Good thing he got promoted as a trainer, we had a chance to actually talk about it and now when we remember this instance we just laugh our hearts out.
Sometimes our guilt hinders us from loving someone, or worse, from receiving the love they have for us. We feel that what we have done is so unforgivable that we do not even try to approach and make peace – we get tongue-tied not because of pride but because of guilt. Guilt is good. It tells us we want to do the right thing but not acting on it is a different story. Many times during those instances that Jem stayed away from me I know I just wanted to smile at him or hug him and tell him “it’s ok, I have a lot of those”.
Not to put myself on a pedestal but I am typically a generous person, in almost every way – material, words, love, care – that sometimes people already feel they don’t deserve it. No one does not deserve love and care, we all do. So let’s not allow guilt or miscommunication, hinder what we can give and receive. Let ourselves free!
I remember how Jem, a co-trainer, got tongue-tied for quite a while. One day, when he was still with another department before being part of my team as a Trainer, he borrowed a pair of scissors from me. He promised that he will return it right after he uses it. Days passed and he hasn’t. Weeks passed too and he still hasn’t.Am not counting the days, I will never do that. I have three extra pairs in my toolbox.
How do I get to track the number of days? I was counting the days that I see him or bump into him outside or inside the office and witness how he moves his eyes away from me, or cut our short conversations even shorter or how he moves to a different direction from mine. Why? Only because he remembers that he has not returned the pair of scissors he borrowed from me.
I appreciate him having felt responsible for his actions but things would have been easier, for him especially, if he had just come up to me and apologized. It would have saved him a lot of the effort of staying away. I wanted to confront him many times to give him peace of mind but I never had a chance to. Good thing he got promoted as a trainer, we had a chance to actually talk about it and now when we remember this instance we just laugh our hearts out.
Sometimes our guilt hinders us from loving someone, or worse, from receiving the love they have for us. We feel that what we have done is so unforgivable that we do not even try to approach and make peace – we get tongue-tied not because of pride but because of guilt. Guilt is good. It tells us we want to do the right thing but not acting on it is a different story. Many times during those instances that Jem stayed away from me I know I just wanted to smile at him or hug him and tell him “it’s ok, I have a lot of those”.
Not to put myself on a pedestal but I am typically a generous person, in almost every way – material, words, love, care – that sometimes people already feel they don’t deserve it. No one does not deserve love and care, we all do. So let’s not allow guilt or miscommunication, hinder what we can give and receive. Let ourselves free!
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend...” (Proverbs 27:6a)
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