Agree to Disagree, YES! to NO!

Saying “NO” or “I disagree with you” can be very difficult. It becomes more difficult when you want to say it to a good friend or a relative whom you don’t want to offend. This is very obvious in the Filipino culture where outright expression of disagreement can be seen as disrespectful.

I love being Filipino but this is one part of our culture that I don’t applaud. But that's not what I want to talk about on this entry. I will talk about the OTHER side of the table.

 As difficult as it is to express disagreement or decline, I still believe that the receiver is the one who has the most control. Let me elaborate.

If I am the type of person who holds a grudge just because you can’t come with me when I invited you to an event, maybe you’d say YES for now and then come up with an excuse the exact day I should be expecting you. If I am the type of friend, who takes all your disagreement in a very personal level, then maybe for your own convenience, you will just nod and fake your agreement to everything I say. If I am the type of person who will not talk to you because you did not agree to my decisions, then maybe it will be easier for you to just agree (even if you don’t) and just wait for me to stumble and secretly say the I-told-you-so-but-oh-I-just-realized-I-did-not line.

I know that true friends should tell the truth even if it hurts and that true love rebukes. However, I also believe that how people express the truth is, for the most part, dictated by how we react to it.

I strive to tell the truth to my friends all the time even if  I'm not sure how they will react to it. Some of my friends can probably attest to this. I have engaged myself in a number of heated arguments for the good. However, I also want to be good at the other side of the table. I want to be the kind of friend whom you can say NO to if you need to. I want to be the kind of person you can disagree with if you don’t agree. I want to promote that sense of truth and openness in my relationship with people.

If ever I invite you to my birthday and you can’t come, I will get hurt, yes. But please know that I will not hold a grudge in my heart. You can disagree with me and I will appreciate your honesty.  You may agree to disagree. No need to ever fake your agreement or YES. It may be a struggle and I don't think it will ever be easy; it may not work for me all the time, but please know that I will always try. 

In the end of a heated argument or an unacceptable decline, the truth always sets us free. If we are mature enough to accept our differences, no NO or I disagree can ever break a relationship, no matter what kind.